Congratulations, Alfonso Cuarn, you’ve ruined a great work! For those who do not know (or haven’t given enough of a shit to look it up), Alfonso Cuarn, henceforth known as Chickenshit, directed the third Harry Potter movie.

And boy, does it suck. Almost as much as the last two disasters. When I heard they had gotten a new director, I though something along the lines of ‘Thank god, they’ve fired that shitty director. Maybe now we can get something worth my eight bucks!’.

Why does it suck? First and foremost, the plot was clipped in all of the wrong places, and then to kill an extra five minutes they picked some random shit up off the cuttingroom floor and tacked it on. I mean, why end the movie properly? Wasn’t like the ending had anything important, LIKE THE DAMN HOGSMEAD PERMISSION SLIP FROM SIRUS FUCKING BLACK. Who needs that explained? Sure as hell not I!

Then we have a bunch of other things Chickenshit did. Like in the first scene, we see Harry reading by wandlight under the covers at Number 4 Privet Drive. Problem? HE’S IN VIOLATION OF THE RESTRICTION OF MAGIC FOR UNDERAGED WIZARDS AND THE INTERNATIONAL WIZARDING SECRECY ACT. Forget about those two MAJOR laws, Chickenshit? Guess so. Whoops!

How about when Hagrid was showing the hypopogrifs? There were THREE in the book. The movie shows one. Why? Pure god damn laziness. It would of taken no extra time in the movie.

Another thing — What the hell were the flying black sheets? Those sure as fuck weren’t dementors. Those don’t fucking FLY. They GLIDE. Not soar around and chase people on a broom. They also have HOODS that they can lower when they kiss you. The whole CONCEPT behind the damn demantor was the hood. When one lowers its hood, that means YOU ARE FUCKED. But these had no hoods! How does one know when they are about to have it in the bum if the dementor has no hood!?!

We even had a bit of romance! Hermonie and Ron. Why do I have a problem with this? Besides the fact that the pair of them were at odds for the whole book over Hermonie’s cat, the book also makes it a point to stay away from the romance. Crapped on that too, Chickenshit.

And once again, the dementors. In the quidditch bit, they come on to the field. Chickenshit so nicely has them FLYING AROUND in the damn CLOUDS. As I’ve said before, DEMENTORS DO NOT FUCKING FLY.

Harry got his Firebolt at the end of the movie. The package also contained one of Buckbeak’s feathers. Would it of done any harm to do this at the PROPER time? Harry is supposed to get the broom as a Christmas present from an anonymous source. Why not? Who knows. Chickenshit’s lack of logic strikes again!

Yea. Overall, the movie sucked.