Bush vs. Kerry

The 2004 Presidential Deathmatch!

Welcome to my grand-spanking-new political commentry thing, here just for the 2004 Presidential election. I’ll try and bring this terribly interesting collum to you daily, but I’ll probably forget all about it by tomorrow. But yea. On to the fun!

So, we have around seventy days left until election day, and we know a fair bit about each of the major candidates (For those still living 30 years ago in Vietnam, G. W. Bush (R) and John F. Kerry (D)) after various speeches, debates, etc. Oh wait, no, we don’t know jack shit about either of them. That’s right, they’re both to busy bitching about Vietnam. ‘WAAA NO NO I R WAR VETERAN I R WINNING 3 HOLE YELLOW FARTS!’ and ‘STFU STFU STFU OR I WILL HAX0R U KERRY U R A BAD MAN U R NOT A VETERANN OK NOW I R GUNA DDOS ATTAK J00000!’

So, how about we go over what few facts we have about each candidate?

Bush
  • Hates homosexual people.
  • Doesn’t like John Kerry.
  • Comes from Texas (or so he wants you to think).
Kerry
  • Won THREE Purple Hearts.
  • Doesn’t like Bush because Bush doesn’t have three Purple Hearts.
  • Served in Vietnam, where he won three Purple Hearts.

With any luck whatsoever, we may know one additonal fact about each candidate before election day. Maybe something like WHERE THEY STAND ON ANY AND ALL ISSUE(S). Alas, I fear that any real discussion will happen before election day, as everyone is far to busy bitching and moaning about who did what thirty years ago in Vietnam.

And that’s it for today, kiddies! Make sure to tune in tomorrow!