I suppose you all remember the original contacting me HOWTO, written last year. Well, I feel that it is time to refresh people’s memories on it, add a bit to it, and beat it in to the minds of my newer readers.

So, here we go again.

CONTACTING OWLMANATT HOWTO - REVISION ONE
First, ask yourself if you fit in to this criteria:

  • Are you an idiot?
  • Do you use chatspeak?
  • Are you some jackass who has memorized my screenname so that you may jump on me and ask me stupid questions as soon as I sign up for your shitty website?
  • Are you asking me to code something for you?
  • Are you an idiot?
  • Are you going to use my contact list as a billboard?
  • Are you an idiot?
  • Are you going to be cryptic when I ask who in the fuck you are?

If you said yes to any of the above questions, DO NOT UNDER ANY FUCKING CIRCUMSTANCES EVEN THINK ABOUT CONTACTING ME. You’re too stupid to deal with. It’ll just end with me telling you to shut the fuck up and blocking your sorry ass. Save yourself the trouble.

Next, be sure to follow these guidelines when initiating a conversation with me:

  1. Identify yourself in your initial message. Say something more like ‘Hello, I am xxx from xxx. You don’t know me.’
  2. Give me a reason why I should waste time talking to you. Not just ‘because’. You need a reason. And damnit, you wanting to know what I think of your website THIRTY FUCKING SECONDS after I log in to it IS NOT A VALID REASON FOR WASTING MY TIME.
  3. Don’t just add me to something that will request my authorization and not talk. That’s just annoying.
  4. DO NOT USE YOUR DISPLAY NAME AS A BILLBOARD. Plugging your shitty website in your display name pisses me off. My contact list is not a fucking billboard, asshole. Also, don’t expect me to ever even see your lame display name - I tend to just slap aliases on people so I know who the fuck they are.
  5. If you’re going to act offended because I said ‘hell’, go choke and die. I have no desire to put up with people who are going to complain about my language. I’m a very angry, bitter man. If you don’t want to deal with that, then don’t fucking contact me.

Following these guidelines should make any communication between yourself and myself much less painful.

Finally, when in doubt, DO NOT CONTACT ME.

Cheers!