I just stumbled upon the constitution of the People’s Republic of China (it was linked from a comment in a slashdot article about UN DNS control). I find a few clauses of their constitution to be absolutely hilarious.

Article 35. Citizens of the People’s Republic of China enjoy freedom of speech, of the press, of assembly, of association, of procession and of demonstration.

Uh. Yea. So that’s why I’m hosting Chinese blogs that have been blacklisted on a national firewall due to their use of the word ‘freedom’? Uh huh, Chinese constitution. You just keep telling yourself that.

Article 37. The freedom of person of citizens of the People’s Republic of China is inviolable. No citizen may be arrested except with the approval or by decision of a people’s procuratorate or by decision of a people’s court, and arrests must be made by a public security organ. Unlawful deprivation or restriction of citizens’ freedom of person by detention or other means is prohibited; and unlawful search of the person of citizens is prohibited. Article 38. The personal dignity of citizens of the People’s Republic of China is inviolable. Insult, libel, false charge or frame-up directed against citizens by any means is prohibited.

An ‘organ’ is a government organization, by the way. And by its very own policies, these organs are operating illegally. That’s pretty freakin’ hot, I tell ya…

Article 40. The freedom and privacy of correspondence of citizens of the People’s Republic of China are protected by law. No organization or individual may, on any ground, infringe upon the freedom and privacy of citizens’ correspondence except in cases where, to meet the needs of state security or of investigation into criminal offences, public security or procuratorial organs are permitted to censor correspondence in accordance with procedures prescribed by law.

Which is why China has a massive firewall that inspects every single packet moving through China. That’s why the demand that news websites register themselves, and that’s why they black list the very same news sites for even mentioning democracy in an article. Uh huh.

This next clause really gets me.

Article 41. Citizens of the People’s Republic of China have the right to criticize and make suggestions to any state organ or functionary. Citizens have the right to make to relevant state organs complaints and charges against, or exposures of, violation of the law or dereliction of duty by any state organ or functionary; but fabrication or distortion of facts with the intention of libel or frame-up is prohibited. In case of complaints, charges or exposures made by citizens, the state organ concerned must deal with them in a responsible manner after ascertaining the facts. No one may suppress such complaints, charges and exposures, or retaliate against the citizens making them. Citizens who have suffered losses through infringement of their civil rights by any state organ or functionary have the right to compensation in accordance with the law.

The emphasis half-way through the article is mine. That sentence is probably the funniest thing in the entire Chinese constitution. Why is this funny?

The average uptime of a call for free elections by a Chinese blogger is thirty minutes. The government actually pays people to sit around and read blog posts, news articles, and web sites to determine what needs to be added to the blacklist of the Great Firewall of China.

I love you, The People’s Republic of China. You’re funnier than Bob Hope could ever dream of being.