Bruised posted about the Universal Life Church on eC tonight, which I was reading because I had finished writing for the day.

So I checked it out. It’s a non-denominational church that legally ordains people. Being OwlManAtt, I went and got my ass ordained. So now I’m Reverend OwlManAtt.

Credentials of Ministry

I can:

  • Baptize people
  • Preside over marriages
  • Preform exorcisms
  • Absolve sins
  • Do funerals

There were two beliefs behind the Church, and I’ve already forgotten one of them, but it’s OK because they were both common sense. The second one is to do the right thing.

So basically, don’t be a fucking rapist-murderer-corporatewhore and you’re good.

The really funny part about this whole ordination thing was the last leg; printing my certificate off. I went out into the other room, booted up the Windows box with the printer on it, and slapped some paper in. Immediately, the printer started working, and it spat out a page with a single line of text on it.

While I was 13, my sister died in a car accident.

Which was kind of creepy, considering Liz had just been talking about some ghost she came across with an Ouji board at a sleepover last night. And I started making fun of how lame it was.

So, I took the document to my sister and asked if it were a part of one of her print jobs. She said it was not, officially scaring the crap out of me. I returned to the printer, ran off my certificate of ordination, and performed an excorcism on a cheap twenty-dollar throwaway HP deskjet.

Well, come on? What the fuck else am I supposed to do, run a de-posessor on it? While I have a wealth of technical knowledge, I’m afraid my experiences just don’t cover possessed peripherials.

So yea. I guess I’ve really hit the ground running with this Reverened OwlManAtt thing.

Edit 2005-11-13 23:48:
Oh, they e-mailed me the two tenets. Here they are:

  • To promote freedom of religion
  • To do that which is right